Money is the root of all evil

My second mistake again. Dint I learnt from my mistake previously? Dint I told myself not to give away my off days anymore? Look what have I gotten myself into. Another 2 days of MC. Total of 4 MC in a year plus 2 lapse. What a bad record.

I'm sick of this shit really. How long can this go on? I just came back from Paris with a 12 hours of nonstop zapping aiming on me alone. And now they called me up for a Bombay A380 flight. Honestly I don't mind doing that flight but not with Arun Kumar some horrible IFS. I am so demotivated to fly already and I just don't want to go on and take another shit in my life.

I figured it out. It was because of greed for money that caused me this. I read this chapter from God Girl Book and it really hit me hard.Here it goes:
 Are you ever satisfied? Do you ever have enough? Or is there always something more you want  or think you need? It's easy to see all the world has to offer and to have a continual wish list. I want this and this and that and the list goes on and on. But what does all this wanting say about you? I believe God is testing me. My greed has caused me bad.

Right now I'm all tangled with confusion. I have a lapse that I'm suppose to explain and submit before 16 Dec. I mentioned several times to my family that what if I stop flying and come back Penang to study and what I got from their replies were crazy. I'm in a career line where it pays me well especially for my age but how long can I be flying. I just cant imagine what will happen after 5 years of flying. I'm already in the verge of breaking down.Will I be able to continue the shortest period of 3 years to be able to earn enough money to go back my home town?

God, please make my day better. Is this what I really want in life? How long can I be strong? Its the last month of 2014. Its the season of happiness not sadness. Let there be something good I can look forward too.