Phone on your hand

Just stop and look around you.
Majority of people you see around you definitely have mobile phones on their hand.
I can even bet you yourself is holding your mobile as well. Am I right? Don't lie.
Why is everyone on their mobile all the time. I mean it. LIKE ALL THE TIME.
Its like its part of their blood. Or is an oxygen to them.

I'm getting so annoyed. Let me tell you 2 real stories.
1)I once went out with this guy friend of mine. He asked me out for dinner and during the course of dinner he was all the time on his phone. I'm like hello I'm still here you know. As I look at him stupidly with his phone on his hand, is like my presence was not even there at the first place at all. Seriously you ask me out and then your not talking to me. Why don't you just eat dinner with your phone. Why bother so much asking for company. How rude. Even most couples I saw having their meals together but both with their phones on. Is this how we call it dating now?

2)There's 2 person I know which falls into children category with a serious bad habit that got me super irritated. What is it? How can someone takes almost close to half and hour to finish such a small portion of food? Because they  practically eat with their phones on their hand! 

3) During most of my flights there will be parents with their crying infants. And guess how they stop their infants from crying? That's right. With that powerful thing we call the MOBILE DEVICE. This generation nowadays entertain their children with technology instead of toys. My goodness


Most humans practically cant live without their phones. I truly understand that this powerful device is so efficient but this is going way too far.
Why do humans still need human company when all they need is their phones.
We practically can eat with it sleep with it, bath & shit with it. Almost everything with them.
I can proudly say on behalf of all human race that they can even survive in a deserted island as long as they have their phone with them.

Humans should really stop being all into their phones. This is really bad.
We need to stop this act. The world is such a beautiful place. Why cant we just get our eyes off from the screen and observe other better things. You wont be surprise that some death accidents are caused by the usage of mobile devices.Im not kidding you. So what now?

Highlight and Regret

I have a few  crazy ideas again. It's haunting me really bad. Every time  when I just lie on my bed doing nothing, my mind wanders off as always. Thinking of stuffs that doesn't even make sense.
So many what ifs and could haves.
Yesterday during my cell group appreciation I was asked to answer a question.

What is your highlight and regret of the year?
To really think bout it, the highlight of my year was being able to fly to so many places in just one year and I got to meet so many different kind of people which enables me to know what kind of people i should mix with and not and what they have taught me in life. It's funny to think that I've met so many kind of people and there's this one particular sentence my friend said 1 kind rice feeds 100 kinds of people.So many weird people everywhere. 

Then after that I was disrupted with another question which is the most favourite place Ive ever been so far?
I proudly answered Milan. Why? Because there's where I first knew him and of course the country itself. Not the shopping but the architecture itself.

OK back to the question about regret.
So I remembered I said I dont think I have any regrets because everything that happened happens for a reason. It teaches us the good and bad.

After when I reached back home I rethink bout it this question, I actually do have some regrets. I wish I could study harder so I could get scholarship and study abroad. I did be a doctor or a lawyer or something big in just a few years time.

I don't know why I have this sudden urge all over again wanting to be a doctor or study and even move to a whole new city. Do you think it's possible for me to move to London or Newyork or any other  city besides Asian culture cities. To start all over again from level zero. Stepping out of my comfort  zone. 

I truly admire those who can do it. I wonder is it because they have the courage or is it they already have the money or support from their family so they can just move to any city they want to. 

The fact that I still haven't move out from staying with my relatives. What is holding me back? I questioned myself this every time. I figured a few points out 

1) Money

~ I totally have to spend extra money in my rental and utilities 

2) Because of him

~ If I move to somewhere near to airport, will he ever ask me out again? Will our foodie adventure be over because we're staying far from each other. No more last minute late night ride and dinner.

3) Laziness 

~ The fact that I have to do my laundry and cook all my own all over again. 

4) HDB

~ Feels so downgraded. I've been living in a condo my whole life and almost 1 year plus on landed property. Can I get use to this? But then again I shall not expect anything because even if it's HDB I can alway find a nice one and decorate my room just like how I have always imagine it to be 

You Keep Making Me Weak

I've tried playing it cool'
but when I'm looking at you
you keep making me weak
you make my heart my break

shot me out of the sky
your my love tonight
you keep me making me weak
but you make my heart my break

Why am I being such a crazy bitch?
Every time you text me out for a bite I will never reject you
I did dump everything and go with you
I don't know what makes you my priority
You did even bring me out to have dinner with all your friends
Is there  suppose to mean anything?
That's beyond my comfort zone but for you i did go too anyway.
What am i to you in your eyes?
The Goodie Girl?
You told your friends straight I don't smoke,
helping me to escape when your friends pressuring me to go clubbing.
Boy I'm going out of my mind all day all night.

Money is the root of all evil

My second mistake again. Dint I learnt from my mistake previously? Dint I told myself not to give away my off days anymore? Look what have I gotten myself into. Another 2 days of MC. Total of 4 MC in a year plus 2 lapse. What a bad record.

I'm sick of this shit really. How long can this go on? I just came back from Paris with a 12 hours of nonstop zapping aiming on me alone. And now they called me up for a Bombay A380 flight. Honestly I don't mind doing that flight but not with Arun Kumar some horrible IFS. I am so demotivated to fly already and I just don't want to go on and take another shit in my life.

I figured it out. It was because of greed for money that caused me this. I read this chapter from God Girl Book and it really hit me hard.Here it goes:
 Are you ever satisfied? Do you ever have enough? Or is there always something more you want  or think you need? It's easy to see all the world has to offer and to have a continual wish list. I want this and this and that and the list goes on and on. But what does all this wanting say about you? I believe God is testing me. My greed has caused me bad.

Right now I'm all tangled with confusion. I have a lapse that I'm suppose to explain and submit before 16 Dec. I mentioned several times to my family that what if I stop flying and come back Penang to study and what I got from their replies were crazy. I'm in a career line where it pays me well especially for my age but how long can I be flying. I just cant imagine what will happen after 5 years of flying. I'm already in the verge of breaking down.Will I be able to continue the shortest period of 3 years to be able to earn enough money to go back my home town?

God, please make my day better. Is this what I really want in life? How long can I be strong? Its the last month of 2014. Its the season of happiness not sadness. Let there be something good I can look forward too.

A380?

Dear God,

As i come to you today with my troubled heart, I pray that you will show me the bright side of the things you gave me. I've been feeling really down lately and demotivated to fly.

Is it my fault to have a junior face? I did not ask for it.

Lord I beg you with all my heart, Im about to have my A380 training soon. Help me see the bright side of it make me love it. I have come so far in flying for a year and I possibly cant quit now right?

What I gotta do is what I want to do

1) Read my bible

2) Learn my German                                                                             

 

3) Visit Cambodia or Kyoto my own                                                   

4) Bring family to Europe                                                                  

5) 2015 must save up to 50k sgd                                                        

Expectation is the root of all heartaches

I don't know if I want you. But I do know is that I don't want anyone else to have you.
It wasn't good enough. I knew that. My heart however was having a serious case of selective hearing. All it heard was I don't want anyone else to have you. And within that-  was a glimmer of hope, a spark of optimism.

Isn't love suppose to make you feel big?
Like you could conquer the world?
Instead you took my love, swallowed it whole and left me with bones.
The loudest noise I ever felt was the ghost of a heartbreak roaring in my chest.

I can feel the cracks on the inside.
The ones I've tried to hide, they are getting bigger than ever.
I don't even know if I'm alive.
I'm already dead. Is this how it feels like?
I'm numb from all the damages I'm left with.
The million pieces I'm broken in to that I cant seem to gather.
So once again I have proven that I should not love again.
I should not put any hopes.
I'm tired of being the girl who falls head over heels in love with the guy who barely even stumbles.

It was all my fault.
I spent alot of time searching for affection in shallow spaces.
I gave people bits of me they dint deserve and i let myself be hurt,
because i thought that was what  i deserved.
Biggest mistake wasn't falling for you,
it was thinking that you have fallen for me too.

One night to lose your mind

CURIOSITY KILLS THE CAT. True or false?

Courage was all gathered and build up.

The waiting has finally come to an end.

That dying desire was desired.

Lesson and experience gained.

Addiction is stirred up.

How can we stop this?

I finally clubbed last Saturday night.

It was a night I will never forget. I finally understood why people likes to club.

One word i would like to say about clubbing. Carefree.
The feeling of happiness. Forget about all the worries and stress.
You drowned yourself with alcohol as if they were your medicine to all your problems.
Smoke as if the puff is your stress and it would just disappear in thin air.
You dance like there's no tomorrow and as if you are young and carefree again.
Meeting strangers which then became your new friends.

In the other hand,
What you don't know was we are all just too sober and drunk.
Toxicating our kidneys.
Stuffing our lungs with cigarette smoke.
Being touched and grabbed by hands from nowhere. I can never forget how I was grabbed.
Grinding with strangers which turns them on.
Inhibitions were gone.
And we all live by the motto we only live once so lets party like there's no tomorrow.

I will be grateful for this day

I just got back from a meet up with a close friend of mine whom i knew since we're 10 years old. She said something that really make me stop and wonder for awhile. Something so great that it makes me realise and remind myself to be grateful. So what did she said?

She was telling me how lucky I am to have my life so well planned and everything seems so smooth looking and that she is jealous of me. In the other hand , her life wasn't just that lucky as mine based on what she thinks. Just to let you know, me and her plus another friend of mine shared the same dream to become an air hostess together since we were 12. But sadly, only one of us make it to this dream. 

So I was saying that yea, she really reminded me that I should be very grateful for what I have because someone else is praying for the things you take for granted. I should really stop complaining and look at the bright side again. How many times have I forgot to look on the bright side? Sigh.

She even mentioned something really makes me feel proud. Sort of the achievement feeling or maybe something you've been longing or dream for a very long time. She said that I have grown so much. I have grown to be such a mature and strong girl. No more naive Jayne. Listening to this totally makes me feel that this path I'm taking is really the right path to walk. More like God's path all set ready for me. Thou it may seem so smooth to peoples eyes  but honestly I went through hell which in the end with God by my side I managed to sail it smoothly.  My life is a gift but I just got to wake up everyday and realize that.

Dear readers, do not be easily deceived  by pictures of happiness of others because everyone has their rough times. Don't just see on the bright side, we all have our bad sides too.Just that we don't show it. 

Before I end my this post, it may seem like ahh anyone could just tell you that their proud of you too and shit.But this is different. This words is from my friend. An honest and straight forward friend who watches you grow. Who would daringly pick on your taste especially on your boyfriends. A friend that wish to have my life too. Her words really mean well that's why it really impacted me.Whatever it is , I wish she could pursue her dreams as soon as possible.

Well said quote.

Does age really matter?

Here's a question. Why care so much bout age? I know to most women out there the topic about age is the most sensitive issue. I totally agree with it. Why?
Well, because I entered the working world early at the age of 18. Yes I'm the most youngest . It's good to start at a very young age but reality? It's kinda sucks.Almost everyday I work with people with different age and continents. Most of them can be my sister, brother, father, mother or grandpa.
It's really hard and unfair to me. Unfair in what sense?

Working 
When I was P plate for my first and second month, my colleagues tend to pick on me more because I'm way younger than them moreover I'm very new to flying and I got super good roster.Jealous much? I always hope and pray hard that they do not know my age every time I go for flight. I really hate it when they know my age. They will go all like please stand aside don't join us. I'm too young for them and all. But thank God after I cleared my P, everything seems better.
I feel really great and proud of myself when some of the colleagues told me they salute me because I'm so mature and could deal with all the kind of shit on board at such age. They couldnt tell Im 18/19 and thought I was 23/24. Do i even look that old? -.-

I will never find love till i reach my 20's
I really hate it when at first guys flirts with you, keep trying on you then some bitch come tell them my age. Then the guys be like choking themselves with some unbelievable truth then ignore me after that. I was like jerks.. This happens alot of time. I'm glad a few of my guy colleagues i flew with dint think or act that way and they are still my friends till now.

Appearance and maturity?
Do you prefer to look mature when your not even your 20's?
Seriously I have lots of friends who looks, makeup and dress themselves like their 25 when their only 16? 17? 18? Like seriously? I mean its good to be mature but that's too over
In the other hand, those ladies I know who were already in their mid's of 20's wishing and trying so hard to look young. Why the irony?
Why cant us girl's just act and be like what's right for their age.

I actually don't know what I'm trying to express. I'm just really pissed of ageism. Should I wish to be in my 20's faster or what. Sometimes I just want to have fun and act like a child. I honestly never really had my chance to have fun when I was younger. And now even worse I have to be all working adult, no spoilt reputation of myself and shits.

BIRTHDAY WISHES

29 more days till my birthday.

I wonder what should I reward myself. I never really thought of it yet thou. I believe this year my birthday is going to be super pathetic because my friends are flying and my family is at hometown so yea there's no one to celebrate my birthday with.I remember when I was young I would get really upset and depressed if I never get to celebrate my birthday or there's no one to celebrate with. I guess I will just go to the shopping mall on my birthday off day alone and pamper the shit out of  myself.

1) A guitar

2) The Impossible Prada Wallet That I Wont Get Till A Few More Years

3) Get Myself A Few New Pairs of Clothes. Denim Jackets for Instance

4) Ankle High Flat Boots


5) Michael Kors Selma Messenger Sling Bag

Oh well, that's the top 5 things I wish I could get for myself. Just to let you know I don't think I will get myself the Prada wallet and Michael Kor bag because I think I should save the money first. That's all I could think of at this moment for my birthday list. Chaos..

Why did i chose this path

All my life I wanted to be an air hostess. Many people thinks its a glamourous job while many thinks is a bad job as there's a lot of scandals going on or its dangerous (air crash etc). People should  really be clear about this few statements about flying. It's time to face reality people!  Scandals? Oh please! Don't tell me a job as a lawyer, doctor, accountant,  or teacher do not happen any scandal at all. Seriously bullshit to those who thinks scandals only happens between pilot and airhostess. Dangerous? Are you blind or what? Tell me how often does plane crash happen. I seriously heard and saw more car accidents than planes. This statement has been stuck in my head for a long time and I will never forget it. It is much more safer to be on air than on ground. 

There's a lot of reasons why I wanted to be an airhostess.

1) I love travelling

2) I earn more money than those fresh graduates

3) I want to be more successful than my friends

4) I could spend my own hard earned money not depending on my parents

5) I always want to be independent and leave house

6) I believe I do not have money to go college( do not know what course to take either & I suck at studying)

7) I believe I could save a lot of money to own a house

8) Help my family financially and give them a good life

9) I strongly believe this is my road path God set for me

10) I want to prove people wrong that I am not useless and dreams do happen as long as you keep believing in it.

The list will go on and on..

 So yea, after so many year of determination that I will be an airhostess. My dream finally came true. I finished my SPM, got a good results that nobody thought I could score it and on the same day I got my results, I passed my SIA interview. One of top airline in the world. Just to remind you guys, dreams do come true if you keep believing and praying to God. Knowing that God will bless and make it come true for you its the most amazing miracle thing ever.  Eventhough your dreams came true its not the end of victory but a start of a new war. You have to know that even if God make your dreams come true doesn't mean it will be a smooth ride through.( Its like you have to pay for your prize) He will put us through storm in order to cleanse us through it. On my next post, I will tell you all my hardships I had to face eventhough my dream to be an airhostess had came true

What I want in him

It doesn't really interest me what he does for a living, I want to know what he aches for.
It doesn't interest me how old he is, I want to know if he is willing to risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. I want to know if he can live with failure, his and mine.
It doesn't interest me where he live and how rich he is, I want to know if he can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and be sweet to the ones he love. I want to know if he can be alone with himself and truly  like the company he keep in the empty moments of his life.
I want to be someone that makes an effort to be with me.Not with someone who only remembers me when they realize they ran out of options. To be everything he dint know he were looking for.
I wonder when will i find that guy who will pursue me, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of guy who brings out the best in me and makes me to be a better person. Waiting for that guy who will be my best friend, the only guy who will drop everything to be with me at any time no matter what the circumstances. Im automatically more attracted to guys who can make me laugh.  Honestly think it's the thing i like the most is to laugh.It cures  multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.